


just one dream away from who we're meant to be

by farfromthstars



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfromthstars/pseuds/farfromthstars
Summary: buck loves eddie. he's just waiting for eddie to be ready. he's trying to, at least.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 394





	just one dream away from who we're meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> here's a sappy little thing i needed to get out of my system before i try writing a full 911 fic for the first time :) the title is from "edge of great" from my other tv show obsession, julie and the phantoms. hope you enjoy!!  
> (also side note as i am trying to post this: why is finding the right relationship tag such a pain with this ship)

It’s been a calm few months. Buck can’t really believe that when he thinks about it, and when he thinks back to the last three or four years. But except for the regular fire department kind of drama - bad calls, horrible accidents and tragedies they do have to witness every now and then as part of their jobs - it’s been quiet. No personal drama or life endangering injuries for anyone at the 118. Not that he’s complaining, it just feels...unusual, kind of. 

“Buck,” Christopher says, tugging on his shirtsleeve to get his attention. “Will you make pancakes in the morning?”

“Oh, I don’t know, buddy,” Buck hesitates. “I’m not sure your dad wants me to stay over every night.”

Christopher looks at him with his earnest eyes. “Ask him! He loves your pancakes too!”

Buck laughs and ruffles his hair. “Alright, kid.”

Eddie’s in the kitchen when Buck finds him, stacking plates and putting them back in the cupboard. Buck watches him for a moment, leaning in the doorway, and then he clears his throat. Eddie doesn’t startle, just looks over his shoulder with a smile. 

“So Christopher asked for pancakes in the morning again.”

Eddie turns around and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “So, yours.”

“Unless you learned not to burn them since last time,” Buck teases. 

“Oh, shut up,” Eddie says, but Buck can see the smile in the corner of his mouth. “At this point you might as well just move in.”

He’s turned around again before Buck can figure out how to react to that, like he hasn’t just reached inside Buck and scrambled everything. 

It’s been a calm few months. For everything except Buck’s heart. 

~

He’s known about his feelings for Eddie for a long time. Really, after he got over that first antipathy and realised what a genuinely good person Eddie is, it wasn’t a long way down. He fought it for a while, yeah, but Eddie ticks all his boxes. From the very first time he saw him, territorial as he might’ve acted, Buck knew he was his type, but once they became friends for real there was no stopping it. 

So nothing much has changed in that department, it’s just...It’s just that these past few months have felt like for the first time, nothing’s really standing in their way. 

There’s always been something. Abby. Shannon. Shannon’s death. Ali. Ana. The lawsuit. One of them nearly dying. The fact that Eddie just doesn’t feel the same way. 

So even though Buck’s had these feelings for years, it’s always been easy to find an excuse as to why he shouldn’t act on them. Until now. 

For the longest time, it seemed clear to him that his feelings would remain unrequited forever, but lately, he hasn’t been so sure anymore. Maddie’s told him this for ages, but she’s his sister so it’s her job to be optimistic about his love life. But recently, Eddie’s been saying things sometimes that catch Buck unawares, things that Buck would never say to someone who’s just a friend. Or Buck catches him looking with a smile that he thought was reserved for Christopher. Or the way his hand lingers sometimes when he helps Buck up from the couch or hugs him goodnight. Or the fact that most of the time, he tells Buck to just crash at his place. 

Buck knows why he hasn’t said, hasn’t done anything. The signs are there, and he’s reasonably sure he’s not imagining them or blowing them out of proportion. But if he weighs what he has now against everything that could go wrong, everything he could lose if something went wrong, he’s not sure if it’s worth the risk. There’s Christopher to consider, their family at the 118, the fact that he’s not at all sure the LAFD would allow a couple to work at the same station, on the same shift and the same core team. 

There’s also the possibility to consider that Eddie might not be ready to act on his feelings, if he does have them. He did lose his wife in a horrible accident after only just having reconciled with her, and Buck knows he has a lot of shit to work through. If he puts too much pressure on Eddie to take their relationship to a new level, if Eddie isn’t ready - it’s a lot to put on the line, and Buck’s just not brave enough, no matter how much he longs for Eddie to be closer when they’re lounging on his couch. He’s pretty content with what he has, anyway. Or so he tells himself.

~

“So you do think he feels the same?” Maddie asks, and Buck is already starting to regret telling her anything. He might be a little wine drunk, and he’s been thinking about little else but if or when to tell Eddie over the past few weeks, so it just breaks out of him now. 

“Maybe. He’s never said anything, though,” Buck whines, and Maddie pats his head clumsily where he’s dropped it against her shoulder. “Even after he saw the news footage of when I thought he…”

Buck swallows and closes his eyes, can still feel the panic clawing at his throat, the heavy, wet mud under his hands. He rubs a hand over his face wearily. “Everyone knew after that.”

“Yeah, well,” Maddie says softly. “Maybe he’s just as scared as you. After all, you haven’t said anything either.”

Buck groans. “I don’t know what to do, Mads.”

“Listen, how about this,” she says. Buck is suddenly thankful she’s pregnant and sober and willing to give him advice, no matter what it is. “Why don’t you talk to Bobby about what would happen if the two of you were to date? Like you said, he knows anyway, and maybe he can help clear things up a little bit? Who knows, maybe you worry too much.”

“Do you think couples should work together?”

“I  _ know  _ lots of couples who work together. And maybe some couples shouldn’t. But you and Eddie are a great team from what I’ve seen and what Chim tells me, and why would that change after you make it official? You love him already, anyway.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Buck sighs. “But it’s not just work.”

“What else? Christopher? The boy adores you, Buck. You’re pretty much his second dad already anyway, have been for ages.”

“What if Eddie isn’t ready?”

“Then he’ll tell you to wait. He won’t push you away for feeling the way you do.”

“And what if I fuck it up? Christopher gets hurt, I lose my best friend, all of our friends will have to pick sides and it’ll all just be a big mess!”

Maddie twists a little so she can look him in the eye. “Why do you think you’ll be the one to mess anything up, Evan?”

“Because I always do,” Buck mutters, trying to avoid her gaze. “No one ever stays for me.”

“And none of it was ever your fault,” Maddie says firmly. “I’ve tried telling you this before. You are not unlovable, and you are worth staying for. Look, I don’t know Eddie the way you do, and I don’t know Abby at all, but these seem like vastly different situations, Buck. And I’ve seen the way Eddie looks at you, too. I can’t promise nothing will ever go wrong, but what if it goes right? It’s scary to put yourself out there, but it’s worth it when it works out.”

He watches her hand move tenderly on her belly and thinks about how brave Maddie is for giving Chim a chance, for opening herself up to a new relationship after the horror she went through, and it gives him some resolve. If his sister can be this brave, so can he.

“Maybe you’re right.”

Maddie cradles his cheek in her warm hand, just like she used to when he was a kid. “You deserve something great, Evan. You just have to go out and get it.”

~

It takes another week or so for him to gather his courage, but eventually, Buck is in Bobby’s office, fidgeting nervously until Bobby gives him a capital L look and he sits on his hands instead.

“What’s going on, kid? You don’t usually come to see me in my office.”

“What would...so say that two...,” Buck stammers, then clears his throat. “What if, hypothetically, two firefighters from the same station, who usually work the same shift and the same team, were in a, uh, relationship? What would that mean for their jobs? Hypothetically, I mean.”

Bobby’s eyebrows have risen so high they’ve basically reached his hairline. “Buck, are you trying to tell me that you and Eddie-”

“No!” Buck bursts out. “Um, no. Or not yet, at least, I guess? I just want to know what it would mean for us, here at work, if we were to. You know.”

Bobby sighs. “Well, Buck, I’m sure you guessed that there would be rules. You’d have to fill out some forms for HR, stating what kind of relationship you’re in and assuring that it won’t take away from your focus and rational decision-making on the job, and so on. It’s pretty straightforward stuff.”

“So no...I don’t know, mandatory transfers to another station or anything?”

“Not unless one of your superiors think your relationship is negatively influencing your ability to do your job.” Bobby gives Buck a stern look. “So technically, I could have put in a complaint every time you stupidly ran after Eddie and it’s only because I still always thought you made good decisions that I didn’t. Just keep that in mind, okay kid?”

“Alright, yeah,” Buck says. “Thanks, Bobby.”

For a few seconds, they sit in silence until Bobby sighs again. “So you finally want to tell him?”

Buck shrugs and looks down at his hands. “Maddie says I should.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Bobby reminds him gently. “But I do think you should tell him, too. He deserves the truth, and you both deserve to be happy.”

Buck gives him a tentative smile. “So you think it’ll work out? You think he’s ready?”

“Buck,” Bobby says, and he sounds exasperated. “No matter who you ask, I can promise you that everyone except maybe you knows that that boy is as crazy about you as you are about him. Though I don’t think we’d be having this conversation if you didn’t at least think so, too.”

“I guess I am kind of hopeful,” Buck grins. “Thanks, Bobby.”

He skips out of Bobby’s office and gives Hen a grin when he sees her watching him on his way to the kitchen.

“What’s got you in such a good mood, Buckaroo?” she calls as he approaches. “Bobby give you some kind of good news?”

“Maybe,” Buck grins and drops onto the couch next to her. “I’m planning on finding out soon.”

“Uh-huh,” she makes and doesn’t press, even though it’s obvious she’s curious. Buck loves her.

“Okay,” he says, “I probably shouldn’t say, but Bobby told me that - hypothetically - two firefighters in a relationship can work at the same station and on the same team.”

Hen’s face lights up. “Oh, did he now? Hypothetically, huh?”

“It’s still…” Buck lowers his voice. “I haven’t even  _ told  _ Eddie yet.”

“Then why’d you speak to Cap?”

“I guess I just wanted to know what I was really risking if I go through with this, you know?”

Hen looks at him, then pats his knee. “Of course, I get that. And I’d wish you good luck, but I don’t think you’re gonna need it.”

“You think so?” Buck asks hopefully.

“Please,” Hen says. “I’ve heard Eddie talk about you. More than I think I should have to.”

Buck grins, pleased, before his anxiety gets to him again. “I guess I just still worry he’ll say no.”

Hen shakes her head fondly. “Only one way to find out, right?”

~

Eddie’s on a different rotation today and comes in a few hours later. Buck spots him from afar and his heart does that skip it always does when he sees Eddie, then pretty much triples its pace. Yeah, Buck’s gonna have to tell him soon if he doesn’t want to prematurely die from a heart attack. Would Eddie want a grand gesture? No, he decides quickly, he’d hate to put him on the spot like that. And maybe it would be better to wait for Eddie to say something instead, make sure he doesn’t do anything before Eddie is ready. He shouldn’t be putting himself first in this anyway, impending heart attack or not.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie’s hand is warm and comforting on his shoulder, and the tension eases right out of Buck’s body. “How’s your shift?”

“Better now that you’re here,” Buck blurts out. It probably says a lot about their relationship that Eddie only smiles.

He nudges their shoulders together and stays close for a moment. “Christopher missed you at breakfast today.”

“Yeah? I missed him too.”

“Boys,” Chimney yells from downstairs. “Either of you up for a workout?”

Buck reluctantly moves away from Eddie. “Coming, Chim!”

~

The rest of Buck’s shift is a busy one - minor calls, all of them, but they come in one after another with barely any breaks in between. It leaves him no time to overthink, which is good, but he’s also exhausted by the time it’s over. Still, he’s picking up Chris from school today and spending the evening with him until Eddie gets home, so he pulls himself together as he changes out of his work uniform and takes a shower. 

When he gets out, Eddie is waiting for him in the locker room. It’s no unusual sight, even when Eddie still has a few hours left on his shift, so Buck doesn’t startle.

“You okay to watch Christopher tonight?” he asks from where he’s sitting on a bench while Buck towels his hair dry. “I can still call Carla or Abuela if you’re too tired.”

“Dude, you know I’m never too tired to spend time with my favourite kid,” Buck says and pulls a t-shirt over his head. “I’m fine, stop worrying.”

“Alright, alright,” Eddie says and stands up with a groan. He pulls Buck into a short hug by the shoulder. “Have a good day then. I’ll see you at home tonight.”

He leaves so quickly he probably doesn’t see the dumb smile that just won’t leave Buck’s face even after he gets into his car. Home.

~

“Buck!” Chris’ excited yell can be heard all the way from the curb where Buck’s parked, and he jogs up to where the boy is waiting with a big smile on his face.

“Hi, superman! It’s so good to see you!”

“I missed you,” Chris says and wraps his arms tightly around Buck’s neck, his crutches cluttering to the ground. Buck holds him and doesn’t complain, even though he saw Christopher barely two days ago when he was there for dinner and movie night.

The custodian waiting with the kids at pick up comes up to them with a smile. “Hello, Mr Buckley,” she says, and Buck lets go of Chris carefully, picking up the crutches and handing them to the boy.

“Hi,” he greets. “Everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s fine! I just wanted to let you and Mr Diaz know that Christopher got a letter about the next parent-teacher conference today, in case he forgets to give it to you. I don’t think there are any specific issues to talk about in Christopher’s case, but maybe you wanted to come anyway.”

“Oh, thanks,” Buck says. He secretly loves when the staff at Chris’ school treats him like a parent. “I’ll make sure to talk to Eddie about it.”

“Wonderful,” she smiles and checks Christopher off the pick-up list. “Have a great rest of the day!”

“You too.” Buck ruffles Chris’ hair. “Ready to go home, superman?”

Chris’ smile is wide, and Buck’s heart expands at the sight of it. “Yeah.”

~

They spend the rest of the afternoon working on Chris’ homework and playing with his legos before Buck says it’s time to get started on dinner. Chris wants to help, as he so often does, so Buck lets him chop veggies but keeps a careful eye on the knife and its placement in relation to Chris’ fingers.

“We’re gonna make you a better cook than your dad in no time,” he tells Chris. “Someone needs to be able to feed you, after all.”

“Why?” Chris says with big eyes. “You do that.”

Buck bites his lip, then bends over to kiss the top of his head.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

He loves that Chris feels that way, and the fact that he seems to assume Buck is going to keep taking care of him and Eddie this way fills him with endless tenderness. Buck does want to stay with them forever, even though forever is a big word to use when Eddie and him aren’t even in an actual relationship - yet, hopefully. But Buck has never felt as at home with anyone as he does with his Diaz boys, and he’s never loved anyone the same before either. He’s sure it’s not a feeling that’s gonna go away.

So he revels in the domesticity of making dinner with Chris and listens to the stories he tells from his day at school, and the one day they didn’t see each other, and hopes. Hopes that Eddie feels the same way, and that he’ll be ready soon.

By the time they’ve finished dinner, Buck is really starting to feel the effects of his shift, and he has to keep stifling his yawns. Apparently, he’s not entirely successful, because Chris grins at him after the fourth time and asks cheekily, “Can I stay up longer than you tonight?”

Buck laughs. “Keep dreaming, kid. I wouldn’t want to explain that one to your dad.”

Chris groans. “But I’m not tiiiired.”

“Tell you what,” Buck says. “I’ll let you pick a movie and then we’ll see if we can both stay awake through it until your dad comes home.” It’s not a loss, anyway - if he does fall asleep before Chris, even though Chris likely overestimates his ability to stay up late, at least it’ll be on the couch next to him. Plus, it makes Chris happy, which is the only thing that really matters to Buck tonight. He’d do anything to be on the receiving end of that kid’s smile.

Chris - predictably - picks Finding Dory again, and Buck - predictably - feels himself nod off only a few minutes in. But Chris is warm and content tucked up against his side, so he stops fighting it quickly and lets his eyes shut.

~

He wakes up to a warm hand on his shoulder, Eddie’s thumb rubbing circles into the skin just past his collar.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Eddie whispers, and Buck blinks his eyes open blearily. “I’m just gonna tuck Chris into bed, but I didn’t want you to worry if you woke up and he was gone.”

Buck hums, barely awake, and watches as Eddie carefully picks his sleeping son up off the couch and carries him towards his bedroom. A sleepy smile on his face, he burrows deeper into the warm couch cushions and his eyes slip shut again.

When Eddie comes back to the living room, Buck only wakes up halfway, just enough to shift on the couch and lean against Eddie’s shoulder instead when Eddie switches from the DVD menu to regular TV. Buck can’t focus enough to tell what he’s put on, but the low hum of voices in the background and Eddie’s arm around his shoulder quickly make him doze off again.

He’s not fully asleep but not awake either, but Eddie is warm and comfortable, so he stays where he is for a little while longer before he slowly blinks his eyes open.

“Long day, huh?” Eddie murmurs and Buck smiles tiredly. 

“So long,” he says around a yawn. “But now you’re home.”

“I am,” Eddie says quietly and stands up, much to Buck’s displeasure. He flops back against the cushions, but they’re not nearly as comfy as Eddie’s shoulder. “And you should get some real sleep.” He grabs Buck’s hands and tries to haul him onto his feet. “How about you - ugh, you’re heavy - go brush your teeth while I make-”

Buck gives in to the tugging, stumbles to his feet and right into Eddie’s chest. Eddie stops talking and Buck smiles, blinks slowly and keeps swaying further into Eddie. And then he kisses him.

It takes his brain half a second to catch up, and another second to make his body react, but when it does, he wrenches himself away. He stumbles backward a step until he realises that one of his hands is still caught in Eddie’s, who’s staring at him with wide eyes.

“Sorry, uh, Eddie, I- I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have,” he stutters, suddenly more awake than he’s been since this afternoon. “Can we just forget this happened? I’m sorry, I swear I was still half asleep.”

Eddie still hasn’t said anything, he just stands there looking at Buck - and he’s still holding onto his hand.

“Um,” Buck swallows. “Uh, Eddie, what are you...what are you thinking?”

Eddie lets go of his hands and Buck closes his eyes in a desperate attempt to prepare for the painful rejection that’s about to come.

“I’m thinking,” Eddie says, and he does sound...pensive, almost. Definitely not angry or disgusted, which is something, at least. “That this isn’t at all how I planned this.”

That brings Buck’s thoughts to an abrupt halt. “What?”

“I had,” Eddie says slowly, “about a hundred different scenarios planned out. They usually involved some sort of speech, and you weren’t half asleep in any of them.”

“You...what?” Buck’s brain has trouble catching up with where Eddie is at, with wrapping itself around the insinuation behind the words.

Eddie laughs quietly. “I don’t know if we should be having this conversation right now, Buck. Maybe we should wait until morning, hm?”

Buck’s heart does a funny hop-skip in his chest, and he blinks quickly a couple of times, shakes his shoulders out in an attempt to get his brain and body to wake up fully. “I’m awake, promise. Please, Eddie, don’t make me wait until tomorrow. Just...are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Eddie’s face is tender when he steps closer, but he doesn’t reach out for Buck again. “You seriously didn’t know?”

“I hoped,” Buck admits, and forces himself to keep looking Eddie in the eye. There’s no rejection coming, at least he’s sure of that now. “Wasn’t sure how much of it was wishful thinking, though.”

Eddie finally reaches for his hand again and tangles their fingers together this time, standing so close now that Buck can feel the heat radiating off his body. It’s driving him mad in the best way.

“I’ve known that you love me for a while now, Buck, and I appreciate it more than I can say that you gave me the time to come to terms with everything first.”

“I wanted to let you do it,” Buck interrupts a little desperately, “on your own terms, in your own time. I didn’t mean to take that away from you, and I don’t wanna pressure you into anything.”

Eddie raises his free hand and places it on Buck’s cheek, softly, carefully. “I don’t know what I was waiting for, to be honest. You’re not pressuring me, Buck, maybe I needed that final push - but I’m sure, I’ve  _ been  _ sure. I love you.”

Overwhelmed, Buck looks down at their joined hands for a moment before looking back up at Eddie’s face, his smile spreading wide. Eddie smiles too and continues stroking Buck’s cheek with his thumb. Buck nuzzles into it almost helplessly and closes his eyes happily. He feels so light he could float away if it wasn’t for Eddie’s hold on him.

He opens his eyes again and places one hand on the back of Eddie’s neck. 

“I love you, Eddie Diaz,” he tells him earnestly, and Eddie’s answering smile warms him to the core.

“Kiss me again, then,” Eddie says. “For real this time.”

And Buck does.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr also @ farfromthstars


End file.
